US Election 2016: 26 ways to cheer yourself up in London

Something told us you might need cheering up
Axes to the rescue....
Jools Whitehorn

Of the many emotions stimulated by the US Election, anger and upset are pretty high on the list. But don’t despair.

London may not be able to change the result, but it can change the way you feel — here’s how to up your mood in the capital.

1. Throw sharp things

If you’ve been awake lately, you’ll know the entire election has inspired a lot of feelings, most notably clear-cut rage. If you’re not entirely sure how any of this happened, and why other humans do the things they do, let it all out by chucking axes at a wall at Whistle Punks. Then have a well-needed drink at the bar. It’s therapeutic, honestly.

2. Gorge on tacos and tequila

Bring on a Mexican wave of happiness by tucking into spicy tacos at Soho’s El Camion and then slipping downstairs to Pink Chihuahua to drink cocktails and dance the night away. Tequila shots are nothing if not highly appropriate.

Tacos and tequila: El Camion

3. Celebrate open borders with a film festival

‘Immigrants, they get the job done,’ sang Lin-Manuel Miranda in Hamilton, but Trump isn’t so keen on them. Celebrate the free movement of people with the London Migration Film Festival, November 11-13, showing films about the experiences of migrants in London. It takes place in Lewisham and proceeds go towards a charity for migrants in Hackney.

4. Sing your heart out

If Trump can stand in front of thousands and not get laughed off the stage, you can get up and screech out a (protest) song at karaoke. The Alibi run a free night every Monday, while The Social do an epic evening of hip-hop every Thursday. If you’d rather just keep the bum notes between you and your friends, head to one of the booths at Soho’s Lucky Voice – they’re all private. Besides, they’ve just launched a new line of Christmas cocktails, so why not?

5. Plan some hot ticket happiness for the future

This Trump business is going to go on for a while, four years give or take, so it’s worth looking ahead to some things that could bring you happiness. Fortunately, more tickets for Harry Potter and the Cursed Child are soon to be released, and the booking date for Hamilton has been announced for January.

6. Go to Greggs

But not just for a standard, anytime Greggs trip. Go for a Greggs Festive Bake. Filled with chunks of cooked chicken breast, sage and onion stuffing, diced bacon, red onion relish and sweetened dried cranberries in a creamy sage sauce, it offers 450 calories of happiness.

Greggs Festive Bake: A hug in pastry

7. Watch a woman show how to rule the world

Glenda Jackson is currently dominating the Old Vic stage as King Lear, and she’s making a pretty expert job of it. Watch her make easy work of a role men have played for centuries and try not to feel sad about Hillary.

8. Find a new hobby

It’s time to shut down the hatches and ignore the outside world: immerse yourself in a new hobby. Sliders Curling Club opened to considerable fanfare last week. It’s jolly good fun, surprisingly addictive and if it’s just not for you, at least there two bars and a karaoke booth too.

9. Play with some balls

Dive into your childhood to forget the terrifying consequences of adulthood. New ball pit bar Ballie Ballerson in Dalston has more than 200,000 plastic balls and plenty of blow-up toys to play with. If that doesn’t work, dance to the DJs or hit the bar upstairs.

10. Take a trip to The Barbary

It’s impossible not to be whisked away to a happy place at buzzing Covent Garden restaurant The Barbary. Take a seat at the counter (possibly after a short wait) and tuck into vibrant dishes such as harissa with burnt and pickled chilli and cumin and chilli glazed beetroot inspired by Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia and Libya as well as the Mediterranean — along with wines to match. It is a cuisine shaped by trade, travel and multiculturalism. Pertinent at all?

Multicultural food: The Barbary 

11. Have a cocktail or three

What better way to perk yourself up than to indulge in some expertly mixed booze in pleasant surrounds. Here are London’s 50 best bars where you can do just that.

12. Take your anger out on another 2016 monstrosity

Trump isn’t the only scary thing to come out of this slow-burning apocalypse we call 2016. The tiresome Killer Clown craze managed to ruin dressing up for everyone, but the south London UK Paintball Centre have set things straight, offering teams the chance to hunt and shoot a pair of clowns. Imagine they’re Trump and you’re sure to feel better.

13. Let Britney handle it

Britney Spears is, among other things, a reminder of another altogether more innocent world. Trump existed back then but merely as a billionaire buffoon. Dance your troubled mind away at the It’s Britney, Bitch party that’s taking place this Friday at the Clapham Grand.

14. Clear your mind with a spicy Thai

Pay a visit to London’s hottest restaurant, Kiln, and enjoy plate after plate of mind-blowing spicy Thai food. There’s little in the world that a bowl of aromatic minced beef heart won’t fix, and even those things can be numbed considerably by a dry red mackerel curry. Speaking of Trump, Grace Dent described some of it as "grotesquely delicious".

Grotesquely delicious: Kiln

15. Laugh (so you don’t cry)

If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry. Fortunately the capital has a plethora of world-class comedy clubs and you can bet that plenty are gearing up to get political: try Angel Comedy, Laugh Out London and Knock2bag nights for some of the biggest and best names, or head to the legendary Comedy Store on either a Wednesday or a Sunday to see the Comedy Store Players, who are sure to take your mind off it all.

Soho Theatre also has about fifty different comedians bringing the lols every single night. Right now they even have Edinburgh Comedy Award winner Richard Gadd and afterwards you can go down to their lovely bar and drink wine and hug your friends.

16. Take a shot and dance

Top Broadway Market bar Kansas Smitty’s are offering anyone who heads down to their basement tonight a free shot of bourbon to drown their sorrows. Stick around though, as the tremendous Kansas Smitty’s house band will be swinging late into the night, which is certain to cheer

even the most dour of pessimists.

17. Skate it all away

The capital’s ice-rinks are all now opening up, so head down to one to take your mind off things. If you’re good, it’ll be fun, and if you’re bad, you’ll be focussing too much on just trying to stay upright to think about anything else.

Natural History Museum rink: Get your skates on

18. Reconnect with your endorphins with a musical

It’s almost like the theatre gods know we are sad, as the joy-bringing musicals just keep coming. If you want to be happy amongst some singing and dancing, you’re spoilt for choice; Andrew Lloyd Webber’s stage musical of School of Rock opens, and Bryony Kimmings’ cancer musical will allow you a cathartic cry. Half a Sixpence is one of the best new shows in town or you could try any of the trusty West End classics.

19. Go on a pub crawl

Or even better, go on a brewery trail. This one in Hackney is over five miles long, and you should be feeling a bit better about things by the end of it. There is plenty more excellent craft beer to be found around town too.

20. Get some reassurance at the Fourth Plinth

David Shrigley’s giant thumbs up might feel a bit like it needs a hundred and eighty degree tilt at the moment, but it’s also a reminder that everything is going to be okay. Pop down to Trafalgar Square in your warmest coat and meditate on the plinth until you feel empowered to go on.

David Shrigley's Really Good: Well, something has to be
Daniel Hambury

21. Help plan a feminist revolution

Every year the Southbank Centre holds the Women of the World Festival, celebrating women’s achievements and gathering lots of people in a room to decide what to do next. This week they are holding ‘think ins’ to decide what the festival should tackle this year - getting a woman into the White House has surely got to be on the agenda.

50 free things to do in London

1/50

22. Eat cake

If you’re really bad, add tea. Here are London’s best cake shops.

23. Hide among some beautiful dresses

The world is falling apart, so who cares how silly your clothes are? The Barbican Centre’s latest brilliant exhibition celebrates all things weird and wonderful in the fashion world, and it stays open until 10pm on a Thursday so you can hide among the pretty dresses.

24. Put your central heating on and watch some nice ballet

This weekend the legendary BalletBoyz have their first dance feature film on BBC Four as part of the BBC Arts season. It promises to be a beautiful tribute to men who lost their lives in the First World War, and the best thing is you can watch Ed Balls’s expert dancing skills on Strictly just before hand.

Flexible relief: Ballet Boyz

25. Drink whisky

It’s always a good bet when things go wrong. Well, almost always. Don’t lock yourself away though, whisky is having a renaissance in London’s bars. Here’s where to drink it with like minded sorrow drowners.

26. Find America in London

You might not feel like visiting the States for a while, but that doesn’t have to be so upsetting when you can explore so much of its history right here in London. Follow our guide here and fall back in love with America again.

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