Is it possible to lose a skill in lockdown? Even if that skill is as basic as holding a conversation with friends? Talking to people used to be so easy. Even people I didn’t know. Especially people I didn’t know. In fairness, that is my job, as a diarist. Book launch, gallery opening, embassy party, if I could get a story out of it, I’d be there. You didn’t even need to find your courage at the bottom of a champagne flute because even the exalted often proved happy to chat. Put them at ease and you could make them say something funny, shocking or indiscreet. Sometimes it was all three at once.
Then came corona. Goodbye glad-handing, goodbye receptions, goodbye soirées, hello hibernation. Social circles retreated behind Zoom. But now, emerging from lockdown, I’ve started seeing friends in person again. And appear to have forgotten how to talk. To anyone.
It seems I’m not alone. One friend described his fear of a family barbecue and the prospect of seeing them in the flesh again. What would they do if they ran out of things to say? How to escape the trap? First, put people at their ease. Yes there’s an elephant in the room but don't ignore it. Ask someone how their lockdown was. But be aware many may have had theirs tainted by tragedy. Second, don’t dwell. For most, lockdown was probably boring. Talking about being bored is a conversational cul-de-sac. Static times make for static conversation. Third, look to the future. As life opens up, so do possibilities. Lockdown has meant time for reflection. Skate over regrets and talk instead about what your pals may want to switch up. Where they want to travel, or live. We’ve been reassessing ourselves quietly for months — that’s something to talk about.
Nicky Haslam has found talking to friends again after lockdown easy — he just doesn’t say the C-word
If that all sounds a bit much, you could take the approach of seasoned socialite Nicky Haslam. I rang him to ask how he’d been coping with lockdown and the 80-year-old interior designer laughed. “I’ve found it very easy. I rather loved lockdown.” What about talking to friends again? “I’ve just had perfectly normal conversations… I could talk the hind leg off a horse.” As for coronavirus Haslam tells me: “I wouldn’t say the word. I don’t even know it.”
There you have it, the two approaches. Whatever you do though, don’t worry — there’s an old adage to reassure any nervous conversationalists: practice makes perfect.
